Idiot meets Fimo

I am the best at ferreting out information from the web - no, really, I am...but...can I find anything definitive or succinct about working with polymer clay - nope!   There is a ton of stuff all assuming you know the basics - then there's the odd basic this that or the other with none of them covering all the bases.  I even bought an Angie Scarr book - which is lovely but in a way off-putting because she makes incredible things like 'real' cabbage leaves - I kinda know I am never going to get there!   Absolutely no-one but no-one tells me how long to bake stuff for.  Yeah I know you can spend jolly hours making all kinds of thicknesses and cooking at all kinds of temperature but come on - how many of us have that sort of patience?  Then there are the warnings of DANGER!!!!!! from (predominately) American sites - don't eat it - well I wasn't planning on that, don't lick your fingers or utensils, I didn't consider that either, don't cook in the oven you will cook food in or the whole family will dies of terrible plagues etc etc etc.  Basically the stuff is supposed to smell when it heats up and leave a film which goes on vapourising - polymer = plastic = it smells.  I guess if you did loads of it for a living or large objects it might make sense.  The amount I did I couldn't even detect the slightest whiff.

After a huge amount of procrastination - months in fact - out came the clay.  First problem...... I had been told by a lady at a stall at a small show that I didn't need the three chocolate colours I was looking for - white chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate I just needed brown, white and black and I could mix them.  Do you think she told me that because she didn't have the other colours??????  Another person said I needed to mix in translucent if I was making chocolates to give them a sheen.  I have no idea if it did or not - if anything wasn't shiny enough I just covered it in clear nail polish.  The upside of the translucent was it made the clay easier to work.  As you can see from this picture the first thing that happens is the wretched stuff all crumbles up, so you have to pull it back together and keep working it until you can do something with it.

I soon got the knack of making sausages and twisting them together to blend the colours.  Part way through doing this I thought it might make those nice stripy shell chocolates you can get.....and I had a shell mold.

Quite pleased with these but wouldn't want to make hundreds of them.  I found clay at this size was too warm when you'd finished mauling it and it came out of the mold easier for baking after five minutes in the freezer - but it does slow down the process to the point of being frustrating.

Then I got creative and made anything I liked to fill sweetie jars.

I baked all of these at 110 degrees centigrade for less than ten minutes - incidentally - and just like everyone else I am not saying that's how long they need!!!!!!! Because I have no idea if they are done properly.

They look just fine on the shelf.  I got pink by the way by mixing in acrylic paint???

............and the Nipples of Venus look just fine.  Again the nipples are acrylic paint.

If I can ever find time before I go show shopping I might have a go at making cakes rather than buying them.  Must be easier than tiddly stuff????